Title: Spottedleaf’s Story
Plot: 8/10
I like the plot idea, and the story doesn’t stray from her at all. It follows her, albeit quickly, from her kithood to her full blown Medicine Cat status.
Readability: 6/10
It’s not a difficult thing to read, but it’s certainly not super smooth either. There are parts that are very good, but then there are parts that seem to be choppy, and time passes far too quickly. One paragraph can be great, but then the very next one can be dreadful.
Mechanics: 5/10
Overall, the mechanics are below average. The story uses the same descriptive words over, and over, and over, plus has a LOT of spelling errors. The “theres” are also mistaken time and again. They also didn’t make paragraphs between two cats talking all that often, which could get confusing.
Originality: 7/10
The story has a good base, but it’s rather predictable: Tragic beginnings, death when someone is needed most, rising above it, etc, etc, etc. That’s all there is to it really, it’s just a classic tragedy to this point.
Characters: 8/10
The author did a good job of bringing back old characters, and for the most part kept them in character. There were times when I thought Bluestar acted very strangely, but that’s really about it. Nice job here overall.
Description: 4/10
The problem with the description is just that it was very… generic. It wasn’t super detailed and flowing, nor was it consistent. There were times when there was a lot of description, but then it fell back to the same old three word descriptions for everything, which just isn’t very interesting.
Continuity: 7/10
There weren’t really any problems with this… except that a few things just made no sense. For one thing, Spottedleaf seemed VERY psychic, and I know medicine cats know some of the future, but she seemed to know EVERYTHING. Along with that, there’s a part where an icicle falls from a tree and PIERCES through Bluestar… which doesn’t make sense because Icicles aren’t that sharp and don’t have enough energy from simply falling to pierce through a cat, and also because if it pierced her… it would kill he more than once because how the heck is StarClan going to heal that. Unless it melted in about… a second.
Overall: 64% D
The story isn’t good, it’s not dreadful, but it has a lot of flaws. It’s kind of choppy, not great with description, and has a few parts that just make no sense whatsoever. The very generic “tragedy things” that happen throughout aren’t greatly helpful either. For once a story that involved cats we knew actually did a decent job of keeping them in character, which was nice to see, and the plot was pretty good, if not super original. The story isn’t finished, so we’ll see when it’s all said and done if the author can make things right.
LINK: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3681151/1/Spottedleafs_Story