-- I tried to wish upon the falling stars,
-- But they always disappear right before...
-- Ever night I search for a star,
-- So that these wishes can come true...

KODA KUMI, STAR

Jaypaw had to restrain from grinding his teeth in annoyance. Instead, he tried to drown out the emotions he couldn't help but receive from the cat who was making his way up the hill a foxtail ahead of him. And for once it wasn't like he was listening, it was as if Kestrelpaw was screaming them as clearly as if the tom were mewing in his ear. If that wasn't bad enough, he could feel every now and again, the WindClan tom's eyes burn into him. As soon as Jaypaw glanced back he could feel sticky embarrassment flow through the air and he knew that Kestrelpaw had turned back suddenly.

Jaypaw frowned. Everything about Kestrelpaw was so annoying. The whiny, needy note in his voice, and the way he would speak quietly like, like that Heatherpaw from WindClan that Lionpaw was so captivated with. He was a tom for StarClan's sake, he didn't have to act like such a fretting queen. What frustrated Jaypaw the most was that feeling that he didn't belong. Kestrelpaw was born (he was quite sure) to be a medicine cat, but Jaypaw longed the rush of battle in his mouth, not the heady scent of mallow.

"Hurry up Jaypaw!" He heard Leafpool's concerned, almost motherly voice call for him ahead of them, and he could hear Willowpaw snickering from beside Kestrelpaw. He heard her pawsteps through the ground as she bounded ahead to catch up with the medicine cats. Jaypaw didn't want to be left alone with Kestrelpaw, so he bounded forward as well.

Suddenly he was flailing in the air, panic clutching at his chest when he couldn't sense the earth under his paws. Just as fast, he felt teeth at the back of his scruff, and the scent of Kestrelpaw filled his senses before he tumbled down with the other tom, panic clutching him as he lost one of the only senses he could depend on. Soil was brushed free from the ground as he scrapped against it. A resounding splash echoed in Jaypaw's ears as they landed in the stream. The tom froze for a second, recovering from the flashbacks of falling over the steep cliff of ThunderClan camp.

"Jaypaw!" Leafpool and Mothwing called from above him, and he heard Barkface call Kestrelpaw's name with much less concern.

"I'm fine!" Jaypaw called angrily, trying to understand what had happened. He had been so caught up in thinking about Kestrelpaw that he had stumbled in the small ditch. And someone . . . Kestrelpaw had grabbed him. They had both rolled down the hill bank and into the Moonpool Stream. Jaypaw suddenly realized that the other tom was hovering beside him hesitantly, and this time he could feel waves of regret and trepidation from Kestrelpaw.

"Willowpaw," he heard as he perked his ears. It was Mothwing, talking her Willowpaw and assuming that he couldn't hear. "Why weren't you watching Jaypaw? You know he can't see." Jaypaw hissed in frustration and stood up to go up the hill, shaking his pelt violently as he felt Kestrelpaw follow him. The other tom let out a murmur of surprise as the cold drops hit him, but Jaypaw ignored him and joined Leafpool, who fussed about him like a he was a helpless kit.

Jaypaw flinched as she licked his head, shrugging her away, "Kestrelpaw fell too. He's the incompetent one anyway, I can take care of myself." Leafpool hissed, no doubt embarrassed by his rudeness, and Willowpaw turned away.

They began heading up towards the Moonpool again, and Kestrelpaw dropped behind to join Jaypaw. "I'm sorry." He murmured softly, and Jaypaw ignored him, speeding up his pace a bit. Kestrelpaw stayed with him, "You're right. I'm so useless. I'm... So sorry." Jaypaw felt a flicker of emotion within him, but he didn't reply, just stared sightlessly ahead, refusing to acknowledge the apology. He felt Kestrelpaw eyes bore into him once more, and he couldn't help but wonder what colour they were. Blue, like his own, or a dark, stormy green . . . ? Kestrelpaw looked away, as they continued, the tom didn't glance at him again. Jaypaw however couldn't help but think of his dusty, moorland scent that refused to abandon him. More then anything though, Jaypaw needed to know what colour those eyes that sought him out so often were. If he knew what Kestrelpaw looked like he wouldn't be at such a disadvantage.

Disadvantage for what? His mind whispered, but like an apology, Jaypaw ignored it. There was one way to find out. He knew Leafpool wouldn't like it . . . But he had to know.

Jaypaw feigned a dream, aware that Leafpool was keeping an eye on him. He knew when she fell asleep herself, and slowly he let himself relax. It was hard, without a face to the name, but he thought Kestrelpaw. Thought of his scent, his emotions, his voice, the brief sensation of his fur as they tumbled down the hillside.

And he woke up. Sort of. It was so strange really. Dreaming was like hitting the surface of water, and taking a breath just when you thought you would never again. Everything seemed muted and invisible under the veil of the waking world. But suddenly there were these new elements of color and shape. Jaypaw sometimes wished he would never wakeup.

Kestrelpaw's dream world was surprisingly dark for someone that Jaypaw thought had a head full of flowers. Storm clouds seemed to hang overhead and choke back not just the sun, but any thoughts of happiness he wanted to create. He could smell the scent of a sweet flower in the air . . . gardenia. His trained senses told him, but he could not see them. It was just a dark hill in front of him, and he couldn't see Kestrelpaw.

It was unfair. It was like reaching the surface of water and finding yourself surrounded by burning forest. He could see, but here the sense did him no good. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Kestrelpaw's whiney voice - which he had found so annoying and now it was comforting - drifted from over the hill. Jaypaw remembered why he was hear. To see Kestrelpaw's eyes. He began up the hill, beginning with a walk but breaking into a run as it seemed as if he could not gain any ground on the hill. He ran, but made no progress. The top of the hill was never any closer. Jaypaw, despite his dreams of being a warrior, was never cut out for running and fighting. He was panting, unable to reach the summit of the flat, grassy hill which had to be a mountain for the time it took to climb. Kestrelpaw's voice rang out again, sounding desperate, and Jaypaw longed to join him, to see what was going on. Thunder crackled in the dream's skys, and rain poured down.

Rain fell into Jaypaw's eyes and he blinked furiously as the dream world seemed to wash away with the rain, turning it gray to black . . . Always, always black. "I don't want to be blind!" he cried out desperately as the scent of gardenia and rain filled his nostrils, sickly sweet. "I don't want to be blind!" and his cries joined the crackle of thunder and the calls of Kestrelpaw.

I don't want to be blind! I'm so sorry!

Jaypaw snapped his eyes open as he felt Leafpool nudge him with her shoulder. His panic ebbed as he scented something other then sweet flowers. Earth, water and Leafpool. The cold air filled his lungs and settled him. "What is it?" he murmured calmly, facing Leafpool. He felt her unease ebb, and she brushed his side with her tail.

"We should head back. Mothwing and Littlecloud and Barkface already left with their apprentices, but I didn't want to wake you . . ."

Jaypaw felt a cold enter his body other then the air. Kestrelpaw couldn't have left already - not if Jaypaw had been walking in his dreams. He felt disappointment and relief mix inside him. Kestrelpaw's voice had seemed so real. He followed Leafpool away from the moonpool, lost in thought.

"Oh, Jaypaw, have you found any gardenia flowers lately? Barkface mentioned that Kestrelpaw was having a hard time finding some earlier . . ."