He was blind. As blind as a cat could be, and no less. When I had first been told he was blind back when I was still in the nursery, I had never imagined it like this. He was blind to my affection, my desire and need. He was blind to me. Jayfeather, named after his father in WindClan, never acknowledged me. Why would he? He had Poppyflower. The beautiful, intelligent, perfect Poppyflower. She even had a beautiful name. Much prettier then mine, Cinderfur, for certain. It seemed every cat in ThunderClan knew they were sneaking out together. Well, everyone but Firestar and Brambleclaw. We had the most oblivious leader. It really made me fear for our well being if a badger happened to attack.

She can't see the way your eyes,
Light up when you smile
She'll never notice how you stop and stare
Whenever she walks by
And you can't see me wantin' you the way you want her
But you are everything to me

Jayfeather sat eating his mouse by the Medicine Cat’s den. The white moonlight shone down on his fur, turning it silver like a cat from StarClan. He was perfect. I debated if I should go over and ask to join him; he was alone, after all. It wasn’t fun being alone, I should know. I want to be close to him, to catch his scent and feel his breathing on my fur. I want to be his. The vole on top of the fresh kill pile caught my eye, and I got up to go eat with Jayfeather. But I stopped, frozen in my tracks. Jayfeather wasn’t alone anymore; he had Poppyflower. His blue eyes lit up instantly as she joined him. And my heart broke.

I just wanna show you
She don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

I sat back down, suddenly not so hungry anymore. My eyes never left them, the happy couple. It made me feel sick. Poppyflower didn’t deserve him. She will never truly know him. She would never truly love him like I love him. I loved him so much it hurt. If Jayfeather would only take the time to know me, to really know me, he wouldn’t be so blind. I want to show him how amazing we could be, if he’d let me. Poppyflower curled up against him, resting her tail on his back as she dug into the finch she’d found. I felt the taste of the meal I had eaten this morning creep back up my throat. I didn’t want to be Poppyflower; no, I relatively liked being Cinderfur. I just wanted to be where she was.

Theres a fire inside of you
That can't help but shine through
She's never going to see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be

Jayfeather burned bright. He burned with strength, with determination to prove to the rest of the clan that his defect did not affect him as much as they thought it did. Poppyflower can’t see the light he gives off. No matter what he does, what he believes, she never will. I can. I always will be able to. It will always haunt me, the ghost of what could’ve been. That didn’t matter, though. Poppyflower was clever, quick and strong. I could be all of those things, if that’s what he likes. I could be, if those fantasies of him and I together would just leave and distract me no more.

I just wanna show you
She don't even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
And you just see right through me
But if you only knew me we could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

My life feels like punishment. Did I do something wrong? Is that why I am here?

A punishment sent to me from StarClan? Why must they be so cruel? Jayfeather nudged the remains of his mouse towards Poppyflower, and his eyes gleamed brightly as she took it. Oh, how I loathed her. I wanted to be in her place so badly. He tilted his head upwards, and I could’ve sworn he was looking right at me. Until Poppyflower inched towards him. His head went back down and his eyes focused on her. He really was good with his senses, making do without sight. She shut her eyes and purred deeply. Resting her head on him. In a moment, he copied her. There they lay, just enjoying each other’s company. I wanted to die.

Like shadows in a faded light
Oh we're invisible
I just wanna open your eyes
And make you realize.

The almost-full moon shone, and it caused a shadow to be cast behind Jayfeather and Poppyflower. I imagine it’s me and him making that shadow, not him and Poppyflower. I imagine I open up his blind eyes, and give him a miracle. And he sees me, me for me, and falls in love. If only. He never notices me. He’s blind to me. The last time he really paid attention to me was when we were apprentices, and I had broken my leg. I had to spend StarClan knows how long in that den with him. Leafpool had made Jayfeather move over to make room for me, but I had imagined he’d done it at will. We had talked, and he had had the most fascinating answers to me questions. The time I had spent in there had been the happiest part of my life. I would give anything to relive it.

Just wanna show you she don't even know you
Baby let me love you let me want you
You just see right through me
But if you only knew me we could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

I want to show Jayfeather that Poppyflower is not meant for him. I want to show him how wrong they are together. Like a WindClan cat trying to hunt for fish. I know it’s hopeless. He and I will never be, no matter how much I want it. He will never let me love him like I want to, and he will never love me like I want him to. Some cats would say, ‘Forget it. If you know it will never work out, then just forget it.’ I know that is what Hollyleaf would say if I confide in her. But I can’t forget. I could never forget about Jayfeather or my feelings for him.

She can't see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile

She will never see him for him, and it pains me. He deserves more that this. So much more. Why can’t he love me? What’s wrong with me? Am I just that hard to stand?

I have had enough of this. I got up to go back to the Warriors’ den to maybe get some sleep tonight. My paw cam down on something sharp and pointed. Lifting it up, I saw it was a thorn. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I knew the least painful way to get a thorn out. But I ignored that thought, and yanked it out, barely suppressing a yelp of pain. For a moment, I considered going to Leafpool for some poppy seeds to ease the pain. But I didn’t. I embraced it. Every bit deserving, I was. I risked a glance towards Jayfeather and Poppyflower. They were still curled up blissfully to each other. I wish the thorn pierced my heart instead, I felt as if it had. Then a new thought occurred to me; maybe Jayfeather wasn’t blind to me. Maybe I was just invisible.